


Finding Something To Fight For

by Jadeys_World



Series: To Be Worthy... [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childbirth, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Character Death, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Recovery, Sad with a Happy Ending, Shock, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26524831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadeys_World/pseuds/Jadeys_World
Summary: "I lost the kid..."In the aftermath of the snap, Tony has returned to a world which he cannot bear to exist in. He's lost the son he didn't allow himself to truly embrace. This is the story of how he moves through his grief and pain and finds something to live again for with the help of his family.Prequel to With Great Power and following stories. Can be read independently of the series.
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: To Be Worthy... [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1750603
Comments: 33
Kudos: 178





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for giving another piece of this world a chance. 
> 
> Because of the direction this story took, there will be small inconsistencies to the timeline events referenced in With Great Power. They were necessary for the path of this plot. They do not alter the With Great Power plot at all.

Pepper sat beside the bed, clutching Tony’s hand as if that could stop him disappearing again, going to fight a titan, flying into space, being gone, leaving her scared he’d never come home to her.

She turned the engagement ring on her finger and closed her eyes. The day Tony given it to her felt like a lifetime ago, though it had only been months. Would she ever have been given it if not for Peter Parker? If Tony had not asked for that press conference to announce the newest Avenger, if Peter had not made the mature and responsible choice to refuse his place with them, would Tony have waited another ten years to propose? Would she have the life she’d longed for?

She didn’t know, and not knowing broke her heart.

Tony’s fingers twitched in her hand, but his eyes remained closed and still beneath their lids. The doctors said he should wake up soon; the sedatives they'd given him were wearing off at last. They’d needed to continue sedating him for days as each time he woke, he was so distressed he was making himself ill.

As much as Pepper wanted him awake, she was scared of what would happen when he was. His ripping cries, hands grabbing at the tubes in him, shaking limbs like a palsy, were terrifying.

Even if he was calm this time, if the doctor’s hopes were right, the man that had come back from the planet, emaciated and traumatized, was coming to a world that no longer made sense. Tony was going to struggle with that, they all were, but she thought what would be worse was the broken words that had slipped from him.

_“I lost the kid.”_

Tony loved Peter Parker.

She wasn’t sure he’d even admitted it to himself, but he did. He’d opened himself to Peter in a way he’d rarely done before, and he’d created something he’d never had—the role of a parent.

Many dinners had been interspersed by proud stories of what the kid had done, the things his AI, Karen, had reported back to Friday. She’d been shown the videos from his suit, heard the pride in Tony’s voice as he’d said, _“Look at that, Pep! He got the gun and webbed him up at the same time. Do you know the kind of skill that shows? He’s amazing.”_ Breakfast conversations had involved him describing in loving detail the web fluid Peter had created in chem class, _“The science behind it is amazing, and he did it in his school desk! Kid’s a damn genius.”_

Tony had loved Peter, and now Peter was gone.

“Hey, Pepper?” a heavy voice said from the door.

Pepper turned, not having noticed Rhodey’s arrival. She’d not expected him back yet as he’d only left a few days ago to chase down Thanos with the remaining Avengers, leaving her to care for Tony. They’d heard nothing from them since. And she didn’t think he was coming back with good news now.

She didn’t want to hear it, though, no yet, so she just nodded and turned her attention back to her sleeping fiancé.

Perhaps sensing her need, Rhodey moved closer, pulled up a chair to sit, and said, “How is he?”

"They've mostly kept him sedated since you left," she said. "They say his body and mind need rest to heal, and they're worried about malnutrition. They’ve got him on IV feeds.” She sighed. “They’ve cut off the sedation now, though, to see how he reacts when he wakes up.”

“It’s been bad?” he asked.

She nodded. “Each time they try waking him, he’s been a wreck. He doesn’t seem to notice I’m here. He just yanks the wires out of him, tries getting out of bed only to fall over again. He’s so weak.”

“But they’re waking him again?”

“They are. Some psychologist is on standby to talk to him. They said his physically fit enough to be awake. It’s mentally that he’s in crisis now.”

“What happened to him out there, Pepper?” Rhodey asked. “I know he was hurt, and he obviously saw things that messed him up, but I’ve never seen him like that before. Even when his parents died, he handled it with a constant stream of liquor. He didn’t need to be knocked out.”

“He lost Peter,” Pepper said, then seeing he didn't understand, she went on. "Spider-Man. He was there with him. I don't know if he was snapped or killed in the fight that Tony was hurt in, but he’s gone.”

Rhodey leaned forwards. “Okay, I’m obviously missing something here. Spider-Man was part of the fight in Berlin, an apparently smart kid and a good fighter, but what was he to Tony."

Pepper’s eyes prickled with the tears of pain she knew Tony was going to be in when he woke. “Peter started out as another fighter when you went up against Steve and his team. When they got back. Tony set him up with Happy as… a handler, I guess. Then the Coney Island thing happened, Peter saved the cargo and got hurt. Tony took him under his wing, after, offered him a place as an Avenger. Peter refused, though. Even after that, Tony would bring him over for time in the workshop and for dinners. I didn’t get to see him because Tony wanted him to himself, but he was…” She sighed and stroked the back of Tony’s pale hand. “Tony loved Peter, Rhodey, and he’s gone.”

“He never even told me about him,” Rhodey said. “I asked questions after Berlin, concerned since you could tell the kid was young, but Tony just said he was on our side.”

Pepper smiled. “He was proud of Peter. He’d talk about him all the time, show me the stuff he got off the video feed in his suit.” She wiped at her eyes. “He was a great kid, apparently.” She drew a deep breath. “And Tony lost him.”

Rhodey cursed. “I had no idea that was happening. Why didn’t he ever tell me?”

“Maybe he didn’t want to share with you, either, or maybe he was ashamed of bringing a kid into the fight. He was only fourteen at the time.”

Rhodey sucked in a breath. "He was _fourteen_ , and he was fighting them with us!"

“He was good, though; you said it yourself.”

“Yeah, but he had no place in that fight with us.”

"I think Tony knew that, but he was desperate." She pushed her lank hair back from her face. "And he's desperate now." She took a breath and forced herself to ask the question that mattered. "It didn't work, did it? You didn't find Thanos."

Rhodey’s jaw clenched. “We found him, but it was too late. He’d already destroyed the Stones. There was no way to undo it. Thor killed him, but that was just a formality. We’d already lost.”

“We lost,” she said, her voice breaking. “They’re not coming back?”

“They’re not.”

Pepper squeezed her eyes shut, and fresh tears slipped down her cheeks. She felt a swelling in her chest, which constricted her breaths. It was over. They were never coming back. 

Peter Parker was never coming back.

“It’s over…” a rough voice rasped.

Both Pepper and Rhodey's head snapped to Tony, who was blinking slowly.

“Tony! How do you feel, honey?” Pepper asked, standing and cupping his cheeks. He seemed calmer now. Before, she’d not been able to get close to him without his flailing hands knocking her away.

He spoke again, his voice a dead thing. “It’s over.”

Rhodey stood and moved closer to the bed, placed his hand on Tony’s shoulder, and said, “It is, Tone. There’s no undoing it. Thanos destroyed the Stones.”

“He isn’t coming back,” Tony whispered, and his eyes became glassy, though no tears fell. "He's gone."

No one answered, but Tony nodded as if they had, and he turned his face away from them.

“Tony,” Pepper said querulously. “Look at me.”

Tony didn't respond; he might not even have heard her. He just blinked slowly and exhaled in a long sigh.

“Tone,” Rhodey said. “Come on, man. Say something. Look at me.”

“Peter’s gone,” Tony whispered. “I failed.”

A lone tear slipped down his cheek, and he did not wipe it away. “I’ve got to go,” he said, struggling to sit up and swing his legs around to stand. “I need to tell her.”

“No,” Pepper said, rising to her feet and trying to push him back against the pillows. “You need rest.”

“I’ll rest later. I’ve got to tell her.”

“Tell who what?” Rhodey asked. “I’ll do it for you.”

Tony stared up at him, his eyes devoid of life. “It’s my job. I’m the one that did this, and I’ve got to be the one to tell her what happened.”

He tugged at the tubes and wires, threw them on the bed, and got up. His legs didn’t seem to want to hold him, but he managed by gripping the bed then the wall, making his way out of the room and away from them. 

Pepper stared after him, her heart aching to follow, but her mind telling her to stay. Tony was going to Peter's aunt, she was sure, and that was something he should do alone. Peter was their loss, not Pepper’s. She had to let him go and hope that he came back to her after. She had to hope that the man that came back wasn’t as broken as she feared, because she needed her fiancé, not a shell of the man he was now.

She wasn’t sure if the man he was now had any need or desire for her in his life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. I was surprised by the number of hits and kudos I got for this story, but a little disappointed by comments. If you enjoy, please leave me word as it really does mean the world to me. I'd especially like to see any ideas you have for outtakes or missing scenes. I've got a few ideas myself, but I'd love to know what you'd like to see.

May turned a page of the photo album and smiled down at the beaming baby on the page. Peter’s curls were unruly around his face, and his cheeks were red with excitement as his father lifted him high above his head. This was Peter before she had him, when he was the beloved son of Ben’s brother, not theirs.

He'd been a name and photographs in emails, stories of his adventures and development. He wasn't her responsibility and child then. She had loved those emails. Each update from Mary had brought her joy, and photographs had been printed and pinned to the fridge. They’d loved their nephew.

She remembered when she’d seen him for the first time, a wrinkled and red face peeking over the blankets he was wrapped in, cradled in his mother’s arms as she reclined in her hospital bed, exhausted but exhilarated. May had been nervous when she was offered the chance to hold him, not having experience with babies that small. She’d sat on the chair beside the bed, and Richard had eased her into her arms. She'd cradled his vulnerable head in the crook of her elbow and stared down at him, feeling the slight weight of him and seeing the potential of his brand new life. 

He had opened his beautiful brown eyes, and his rosebud lips had parted with a yawn, and she'd asked if he was boring him already. They'd laughed, and the baby had closed his eyes again, settling back into sleep. She had lifted him to her face and kissed his warm cheek, smelling the baby powder they'd patted him dry with after he'd been cleaned up, milk, and the undefinable scent of a baby.

She had loved him, and yet felt no pang when he’d been given back to his mother.

May and Ben had decided early on that they weren’t going to have children. They both felt their lives were complete with each other, and May had never felt the urge to bring new life into the world. They’d been content to live their parental responsibilities through Mary and Richard sharing Peter’s world with them.

She turned another page and saw Peter as a toddler. He was pushing a brightly colored toy truck along the carpet of Richard and Mary's house. His brows were furrowed with concentration, and his lip was caught between his teeth. He was consumed with that he was doing, and he wondered what had been going through his young mind when the picture was taken. He didn't seem aware of his photographer, which was not a surprise. Even as a young child, Peter had a busy mind. As he got older, when he was hers, May said he was always working equations while having conversations. It had been an endearing and maddening aspect of his nature. She supposed it gave him a good grounding for life as a superhero, though, as he'd needed that ability to take in his surroundings while tackling the threat.

He was perfect as a hero, perfect to her as a son, and she had both hated it and loved it in turns. She was proud of him for what he had done with the powers he’d found himself with, but she’d also wished it had never happened, that he was the person that could have lived with those powers and not to put them to use for others while risking his own safety.

It was his desire to use them that had taken him away from her over a month ago, and she didn’t know where he was.

She had scoured the news and online forums for news, but the world was in chaos, and there was so little information for her. It had taken two weeks for her to find the shaky cell phone footage of Spider-Man being pulled into the spaceship by a beam of blue light, Iron Man flying behind him. She’d found nothing since. She didn’t know if he was alive in space, trapped on that ship, killed by the aliens she’d seen on the news, or if he had drifted into dust without her there to hold his hand.

The only comfort she had was that he had not been alone. Tony Stark was with him. He would have taken care of him—if he was alive, that was. Peter was probably buzzing with excitement throughout whatever had happened because he’d been fighting alongside the hero he’d adored. 

She knew that he would have been brave.

She turned another page, and now it was a picture of him with her and Ben, following his parent's death. It was his seventh birthday, and they stood either side of him as he sat with his Iron Man birthday cake—homemade by Ben and not only perfectly frosted but also detailed—in front of him. Peter had loved that cake, had been so proud to show it off to his friends and tell them how his uncle had made it for him.

Even then, before Spider-Man was even a thought, Peter had worshipped Tony Stark and all he did. She knew meeting him, bonding with him, had been one of the greatest experiences of his life.

She turned a page then looked up as there was a knock on the door. It was soft, almost as though the visitor didn’t want her to hear, and she sighed as she stood and made her way down the hall to open it.

Even with the world in chaos, her friends rallied around her. She could not tell them what had happened to Peter, that she had hope he was alive, just out of reach. Some of them had been lucky, though, kept their partners and children, and they were the ones that came with casseroles and comforting words.

She had smiled for them, thanked them, and counted the seconds until they'd leave her alone again to pore over her photo albums, go into his bedroom, lay on his bed, hugging his pillow to his chest, and try to forge some connection between them.

She opened the door, and her heart sank at the sight of the man she saw standing outside.

Tony Stark was thinner than the last time she’d seen him, his skin was an unhealthy grey, and there were dark shadows under his eyes. He was gripping the doorframe as if he needed that support to stay upright. His head was bowed, but he dragged his eyes up to meet hers at her murmur of his name. His lips trembled, and she knew then that Peter was gone.

She drew a shaky breath and said, “Come in.”

She didn’t wait for him to follow. She just walked back into the living room, moved the photo album from the couch to the table, leaving it open so she could see Peter’s beloved face, and sat down.

He came in slowly, holding the wall and then the back on the couch for support, and dropped down beside her. For a moment, he hid his face in his hands, and then he lowered them and looked at her.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“How did it happen?” she asked, both needing and dreading the answer.

Tony swallowed with an audible click. “The Snap…”

She sucked in a breath and then nodded. “It didn’t hurt then. Good.”

She’d been on shift at the hospital when it happened, and she’d seen her colleagues and patients disappearing into dust. Some had looked shocked, some scared, but none of them seemed to be in pain, 

Tony flinched.

“What?” she asked. “It didn’t hurt him, did it?”

“No,” he said quickly. “It was fast, and he didn't know what was happening. He didn't feel any pain, and he wasn't scared. He was brave. The whole time we were there, with everything that happened, he was brave.” He reached out and squeezed her hand where it lay on her lap. “You’d be proud of him. He was a hero, May, the best of all of us that were there. He fought so hard.”

She wiped her face, smearing the tears that were streaming down her face. “He always did. That was who he was.”

“It was,” he said, and there was a catch in his voice.

She looked at him and saw that his eyes were on the photo album on the table. Without a word, he picked it up and brought it to his lap. He traced Peter’s face with a finger, then turned the page, revealing a picture of Peter at his middle school graduation.

“He was young,” he said, as if to himself. “So young.”

“He was,” she said.

He wiped at his face, then closed the book and fixed his haunted eyes on her. "I'm sorry, May," he said. "It's my fault he was there. He shouldn’t have been. I tried to send him home, but he…” He shook his head. “It’s my fault that he stayed; he did it for me. He wanted to help, and I didn’t know how to send him back; it was too late.”

“It’s not your fault,” she said fiercely. “He was there because he wanted to help. That was who he was. My boy was a hero. No matter what you said or did, he would have stayed.”

He bit his lip. “Loyalty. He said it was loyalty. Stupid kid.”

"Maybe it was stupidity that took him there," she said. "Maybe it was bravery or loyalty, too. Whatever it was, it was Peter, and that's the part none of us could control. If it's your fault, it's mine and Ben's, too. I didn't make him stop when I found out he was Spider-Man. Ben was the one that raised him to believe in responsibility and doing the right thing. His parents raised him to be kind and think of others. The blame spreads to us all, Peter included." She sighed. "And he would have died anyway. It wouldn't matter if he was here with me or in space with you; he would have been lost in the Snap. At least with you, he would have been happy.” She turned her hand in his and entwined their fingers. “He loved you, Tony, and I know he would have been happy that he was there, fighting, with and for you. If that had to be his last moment, I’m glad he was able to be Spider-Man for them.”

“Spider-Man,” he said, his tone making the name a curse.

“No,” she said harshly. “Being Spider-Man was what he loved; helping people was what he was supposed to do. I hated it for a time, too, I wanted him to be normal, but you and I both know it was when he put on that suit that he came to life.”

Tony hid his face in his hands, and his shoulders shook with sobs. May just stared at him for a moment, her hands moving restlessly, reaching and pulling back. Tony made a sound of pain, a raw and brutal sound, and she gave in to what she wanted, not caring that this was not what they did, that their bond came from a shared child.

She pulled him into her side and stroked his hair as he sobbed into her chest. Her own cries came, ripping up her throat and pouring from her like a wounded animal. Her cries fed his, and they moaned and sobbed together, pouring out their grief for the child they'd loved and shared for a while, giving voice to their pain. May felt the release of giving in, at last, accepting her loss and losing the tremulous hope that he might be out there somewhere, to come home soon.

Even as she grieved, she hung onto a thread of hope that was linked to the man she was holding. Tony Stark built a suit from scraps in an Afghanistan cave to escape captivity. He flew a nuclear warhead into a wormhole to save a city. He was a genius, brilliant, and he had the remaining Avengers with him. He would fix this.

If anyone could bring Peter back, it was him, and his cries told her he was as invested in making it happen as she was.

Tony Stark would save Peter or die trying because he loved him, too. She just had to be patient.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… How was that? May's POV is tough for me as I don't have a great handle on her character. I've not written her since Snarks and I were working on The Difference A Day Makes, and she was a very positive character in that story. This time I had to dig deep into her grief to make it work. Hope I pulled it off. Let me know.  
> Again, if you have ideas or requests for missing scenes or outtakes, let me know.  
> Until next time…  
> Clowns or Midgets xxx


	3. Chapter 3

“Good evening, Colonel Rhodes,” Friday greeted as Rhodey let himself into the apartment with the code he’d been given by Pepper.

“Hey, Friday,” he said. “Where’s Pepper and Tony.”

“Miss. Potts is in the living room.”

She didn't say where Tony was, which made Rhodey sure Tony had ordered her to put the Closed Door Protocol in place again. He'd done it before, when he was dealing with the various struggles in his life—his PTSD, his grief on the anniversaries of his parents' deaths, when he came back from Siberia after his final meeting with Steve, which he still wouldn't talk about.

Rhodey made his way to the living room, tapping on the door frame before entering. Pepper was sitting on the couch with her legs curled under her and a Stark Pad in her hands. She lowered it to her lap and smiled at him, though it was a forced and strained thing.

“How is he?” he asked without offering a greeting, sitting opposite her.

Her shoulders slumped, and she hunched over, curling into herself. "A mess. He doesn't sleep until he passes out, he doesn't talk unless it's to tell me to leave him alone, he doesn't eat the food I take down to him. What he does do is drink." Her eyes became glassy. "He drinks like I've never seen before, and I thought I'd seen him at his worst."

Rhodey nodded. “I’ve seen that before, after his parents’ died. It sounds like he’s doing the same now. Though at least he’d eat back then.”

"I'm worried about him," she said. "I can't get through to him. I talk, and he just stares right through me like he can't even hear me anymore. I have to use my emergency override to get into the workshop since he has Friday lock me out."

Rhodey pressed a hand to his forehead and gritted his teeth. It was worse than before, and it couldn’t go on. Tony would drink himself to death like this. He was in pain, Rhodey knew, pain he couldn’t even imagine as he’d never lost anyone that he loved the way Pepper said Tony loved Peter—Rhodey has never had a child.

He was damned if he was going to let his best friend kill himself when the world had already lost so much, though.

Rhodey had lost enough already. His brother and father had been Snapped. His mom was grieving, and Rhodey had spent the last two weeks there with her, trying to help her through her pain while dealing with his own.

It was more than that, though. Tony was _needed_. The world was in chaos, and it needed people to stand for it. Tony couldn't bring back the dead, he knew, but perhaps he could find a way to help. Tony's mind was the most brilliant Rhodey had ever seen. There were crises now that he could help with. Food manufacture was down because half the people that worked in the industry were dead. Tony had dallied in crop production technology before to aid third world countries—that could help America now.

There was so much he could do, and Rhodey needed to find a way to make him step up and do it.

“I’ve lost him, Rhodey,” Pepper said. “And I don’t know what to do. It’s not just me now…”

Rhodey's eyes widened as he recognized what she was saying and saw how her hand was placed over her abdomen in a cradling gesture.

“You’re pregnant.

She nodded. “Twelve weeks. I only found out a few days ago. Everything was so crazy that I didn’t recognize the signs.”

Rhodey stared at her, feeling a wash of conflicting emotions. Tony was going to be a father, that was amazing news, he was going to make Rhodey an uncle, but he'd never been in a worse position for that news.

“Does he know?”

She shook her head. "I don't want to tell him like this. It's supposed to be good news; he wanted it before, but with him like this… I'm scared."

“Scared of what he’ll say?”

“Scared of what he won’t say,” she corrected. “I can’t bear to say the words and see that blank look on his face.”

Rhodey nodded and leaned forwards. “I get that, but he has to know. He doesn’t get to sit out on something like this. He’s going to be a father.”

“He was already a father; that’s the problem.”

“You’ve got to tell him. He has to face this.”

She rubbed her abdomen, wiped a fresh tear that had fallen, and nodded. “I know. I’ll do it now.”

She uncurled her legs from under her and got to her feet. With a deep breath and swipe of her hand to hide the evidence of her tears, she thanked Rhodey and walked towards the door.

“Pepper,” Rhodey called when she was at the door.

She turned back and gave him a quizzical look.

“Congratulations.”

She smiled and touched her stomach again. “Thank you, Rhodey. You’re the first person to say that to me. Not even the doctor did when I had the sonogram. The world is so overwhelmed that a new life doesn’t seem to seem worth celebrating.”

“It does to me, and it will to Tony. This is a good thing.”

It might, he thought, be exactly the thing Tony needed. He didn’t have the right to hide away in his grief anymore.

He was going to be a father.

xXx

Pepper grabbed her purse on the way to Tony’s workshop, then strode along the hall with newfound determination.

This wasn't how she wanted it to be. She'd pictured this moment in her life many times, though she'd not believed it would come. She'd wanted a child, but she'd not been able to bear the thought of bringing a child into the world when its father was Iron Man, diving into danger all the time. When Tony had shared the story of his dreamed-of child, her heart had ached, torn in two. She wanted that life, a little boy they could adore and raise together, but what kind of parents would they make when the life of his father involved a suit of armor and multiple enemies?

It had happened now, though; that child—boy or girl—was on its way, and she had to act. She was going to have to make a hard decision. She would not allow Tony to become Howard Stark, a drunk that cared only for someone that was lost, not the child he had helped to bring into the world. Tony would step up and be a father, or he would be nothing at all. She would leave the man she loved behind if that was what it took to save her child from the same neglectful damage Tony had suffered from his father.

She entered her code into the panel at the workshop door, received a blinking red light in return, which meant Tony had locked her out. She cursed under her breath and entered the override and said, "Let me in there, Friday."

The green light blinked, and she pushed open the door.

Tony was slumped over the table, a half-full bottle of whiskey in his hand and his head pillowed on his arm. He was awake, but his eyes showed no reaction to her arrival.

She took a deep breath, girded herself for this, and then took the white stick out of her purse and threw it down in front of him.

“Look at that,” she snapped.

Tony blinked drowsily, not speaking.

“Look at it, Tony!” she shouted.

He frowned at her, then, with what looked like a lot of effort, sat up and picked up the stick. He stared at it for a moment, then turned to her and said, "What's this?"

“Our future.”

Tony looked between her and the stick again, seeming to be struggling to connect the information. “You’re pregnant.”

She nodded. “Twelve weeks.”

His mouth dropped open, and something sparked in his eyes. She didn’t dare call it joy, but it was more than she’d seen since the rush of anger he’d worn when he raged at Steve, fresh from space.

“You have a choice, Tony,” she said. “You can claw your way back to living again, be a father, or you can say goodbye now, to me and your child, and accept you will never see us again.”

Tony stared at her, his eyes wide and disbelieving, and she forced herself to go on.

“I love you, Tony, and I know you’re in hell right now. If it was just me to think about, I would be here with you forever, even if you never came back to who you really are. You were my whole world, but now there are two people in my world, and there’s one of them I can’t be selfish for. As much as I want to be with you, this baby deserves better than Howard Stark reincarnated.”

“No…” Tony breathed. “I would never…”

“That’s who you are now,” she said, gesturing to the bottle on the table. “Look at yourself. You’re drunk; you’re not talking to me. You just sit down here, day after day, thinking only of what you’ve lost.” She softened her voice. “I know you loved Peter, and I wish I had a chance to love him, too, because perhaps then I would know the right words to say to you now. But I didn’t have a chance, I don’t know what to say, so all I can do is take care of the new life that is coming.”

Tony nodded and swallowed hard. “I love you, Pepper.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I know that, and I love you, but I don’t get to choose you anymore. Theirs is someone coming that is more important than either of us.”

She reached into her purse and took out the blurry sonogram picture she’d been given at the doctor’s office. She stared at it for a moment, the life that she was going to bring into the world, and then placed it in Tony’s hand.

He stared at it, and then his eyes squeezed closed, and tears began to stream down his cheeks.

Feeling hopeful now, she said. "I'm not asking you to forget Peter; I know you never could. But I want you to find a way to live with that loss for me and our child. Can you do that?"

He stared at her with streaming eyes and then nodded. He stared at the image for a moment and then brought it to his lips and pressed a kiss to it.

She approached him, a flicker of joy in her heart now as she saw the reaction she had not dared let herself hope for. She placed a hand on his shoulder, and he fell against her. He wrapped one arm around her back and pressed his free hand, shaking, to the spot over her stomach, which protected the child within. 

His shoulders began to shake as he wept, but he made no sounds. She stroked her fingers through his hair, nails scratching his scalp in the way she knew soothed him, and she allowed herself to breathe freer than she had since the moment the second blue line had appeared on the stick.

"I'm sorry, Pepper," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

“I don’t need apologies.” She placed her hand over his where it cradled their child. “I just need you to do better.”

“I will,” he said, looking up into her eyes with tears still slipping down his cheeks. “I’m going to better. I won’t be Howard, I swear. I will do whatever it takes.” He sniffed and wiped his face on his sleeve. “Don’t give up on me, please. I’m going to fix this.”

“I won’t give up as long as you keep trying. I love you, Tony, and I want to do this with you. I don’t expect miracles, I know you’re going through something I can’t share with you or understand, but you have to work for it.”

"I will. I swear." He lowered his head, pressed a kiss to the front of her sweater, the first kiss to their child, and then straightened up. He took her hand, kissed her palm, and then his eyebrows shot up, and he said, "I've got so much to do."

Surprised, Pepper said, “You want to work now.”

He nodded. "We need a home, Pep. I'm going to build us somewhere safe and secure where nothing bad can ever touch us. The three of us are going to be safe and together there. We'll have a life." His hand found her stomach again. "We're going to be together there, just you, me, and Morgan."

She patted his hand and said, “Morgan? What if it’s a girl?”

He grinned. “It doesn’t matter. It’ll be ours no matter what the sex.”

“And it’ll be Morgan?” she asked. “I guess the name works for either.”

He beamed at her. “Yeah. Morgan.”

“I get to pick the middle name, though.”

“Yes. Anything.” He lowered his face and spoke in the softest voice she’d ever heard from him before, “You hear that, little one. Your name is Morgan. And I’m your father. And I promise you, I _swear_ it, I am going to be the father you deserve.”

Pepper stared at him, seeing the return to life, the flush in his cheeks of excitement, and she knew it was starting. He wasn’t going to be magically better, not even this news could heal him from what he’d lost, but he was going to move through it and be a better man for it.

She’d already seen him change massively from the party boy she’d worked for, despairing of the bad life choices he made at least once a week, to the man she loved.

Now he was going to be a father, and she trusted that he was going to be a good one, the one that Morgan deserved.

They were going to be a family. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… What do you think? This one was tough and took more edited than the first two, as it was hard to write Tony like this. I hope the work was worth it.  
> Until next time…  
> Clowns or Midgets xxx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the support you’re showing this story. It means so much to be to hear from you all.

Pepper smiled at Tony as she spoke the words that made his heart lift with happiness. “I do.”

"It is with great pleasure that I can pronounce you, man and wife," the pastor said. “You may now kiss your bride.”

Tony cradled Pepper’s face and pressed a kiss to her lips, which she deepened. He lost himself in the moment, not hearing the cheers or wolf whistles behind them. When they finally parted, they pressed their foreheads together and breathed each other’s air.

“I love you, Mrs. Stark,” he said.

She smiled at him, her eyes wet. “I love you, too.”

He stared at her, absorbing the sight of his wife, and then they pulled apart and were immediately surrounded by the small group that had gathered for the occasion. Happy clapped Tony on the back, said, “Nice work, Boss,” and Rhodey hugged Pepper.

Tony looked around at the people he loved, enjoying the moment, though still feeling a longing for the one that was not there to see it. He remembered telling Peter how he'd covered his refusal to become an Avenger by proposing to Pepper, and Peter had been endearingly pleased. It was in the early days of their relationship, on one of the first visits to the compound to work together in the lab, and Peter had still been in the blushing and stammering part of talking. That had gotten better with time, but not by much ultimately.

Because Peter had never known just how much Tony loved him.

He’d still called him Mr. Stark when he’d died. He’d had no idea that Tony loved him like a son. And that was Tony’s fault. He’d never told him. He’d given affection in nudges of an elbow, tousling his hair, all terms of endearment could have been mistaken as mocking. Peter had no idea that when Tony called him kid, he was really sharing his love without knowing it. Peter had no chance to know as Tony had not allowed himself to know it himself.

Pepper was whisked away by a friend, and Tony looked around. It was a small gathering, just the closest friends of them both—those that were more family than friends. None of the Avengers were there. Tony had not stayed in touch with them. They were part of a past life, a life that had cost him Peter, and he didn’t want to be around them anymore.

Their wedding had been staged on the foundations of the house he was building for them to live in. They had three months until Morgan was due, and he knew it was going to take a lot of work to have it ready in time, but he was determined, and money was, of course, no object. Pepper wanted a home birth, and Tony wanted her to have a comfortable room for her to do it in. He wanted to carry his child through the house while the air was still new in her lungs, show Morgan the home where they would live and grow. This was it for them. Of all Tony’s various homes over the years, this was going to be his home for the rest of his life—he knew it.

A glass was pressed into his hands by one of Pepper’s friends, and he saw it was champagne. He murmured his thanks and then went to the table where the bottles were in ice buckets and glasses were ready to be filled. He exchanged his champagne for orange juice and sipped at it. He’d not touched alcohol since the day Pepper told him she was pregnant, and he was keeping it that way until he was positive he was in the best possible state to raise his child. He wasn’t there yet, but he was doing better. He was trying his damndest to claw his way to the man Pepper and Morgan needed him to be.

In his pocket were two pictures. One was a copy of Pepper's latest sonogram, a more detailed one this time so they could see the round cheeks and blade of a nose. The other was a picture of him and Peter from the day he'd given him the certificate which committed him to his internship—necessary for May to accept Tony's part in Peter's life as Spider-Man. After a long and drawn out tirade in which she questioned what felt like every choice Tony had ever made in his life, she’d told him that he was going to step up with the internship so Peter could use it for college applications.

He and Peter had laughed as they took the photo, trying various stupid poses until the photographer had given up on them and just snapped the picture. They had been so happy that day.

He felt a lump form in his throat, and he turned away from where Pepper was giggling with her friends and patted the pocket which held the picture of the kid he'd loved though never allowed himself to say it, the touch a reassurance and comfort.

“You okay, Boss?” Happy asked, coming to him.

Tony drew a deep breath and said, “Yeah, Hap, just having a moment.”

Happy nodded understandingly, knowing who Tony’s thoughts were dwelling on. “The kid would love this. You know, he spent a whole car ride to the compound once telling me how he’d never been to a wedding and how excited he was that you’d told him he was going to be at yours.” He smiled fondly. “He said he’d been reading articles online about the dos and don’ts.”

Tony chuckled, a wash of fondness filling him. “Did he find many?”

Happy’s lips quirked with a smile. "No age-appropriate ones. Everything he found seemed to be about hooking up with bridesmaids."

Tony snorted. “Yeah, that’s not something Pete would have been doing.”

"Not without May killing him, at least." Happy voice became gruff, a little strained. “I saw her a couple days ago.”

Tony’s head snapped to him. “How is she?”

He’d not seen May since two weeks after Pepper had shared the news of her pregnancy. With his new commitment to being a good man and father, he’d gone to check up on her. She’d been surprisingly good, not distraught as she’d been when he left her the day he came to deliver the news of Peter’s death. She’d congratulated him on the news and told him how happy Peter would be for them. What had been strange was that she said it as if Peter was going to be there one day to know. A little careful questioning had informed him that May believed they were going to save the lost. He’d not been able to bear to admit to her that it wasn’t going to happen, that they’d had their shot and failed. Instead, he had told her he’d stay in touch and to call if she needed anything. She hadn’t called, and he’d not called her. She was too closely linked to all his memories of Peter, and he needed to learn to live with those memories, that pain, for Morgan. May’s hope made it hard for him to grieve, and her face, voice, and home, reminded him of the one they both longed to have back.

“The same—sure he’s coming back.” Happy ran a hand over his face. “I think that’s probably for the best, though. The pain of knowing he’s gone for good would destroy her. She needs that hope.”

“I guess she does,” Tony said. “I wish I had it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy, today is what I wanted, but I wish he was here to see it.”

“So do I,” Happy said, bowing his head.

Someone caught his arm, and he caught the scent of Pepper’s perfume. He quickly wiped any lingering sadness from his face and turned to kiss her.

“You ready to dance?” she asked.

"Absolutely." He set down his glass, wrapped his arms around her, and led her to the middle of what counted now as a dancefloor but would one day be the study. He pulled her close, feeling the mound of their daughter between them, and then began to sway slowly as the music started to play.

“Are you happy, Tony?” she asked.

“I am,” he said without hesitation. “Truly.”

Sure, there was sadness that Peter wasn’t there, that pain, but his overwhelming emotion was happiness that he and Pepper were married, that the rest of the people he loved that remained were there, and that their child was cradled between them.

She gave him an assessing look, seeming to be judging his words, and then nodded. “So am I.”

They danced in silence, and then, when the song came to an end, he placed his hand on her bump and said, "What do you think, Morgan? Not many kids get to be part of their parents' wedding dance."

In answer, there was a soft nudge against his hand as his daughter kicked. That was what he had now, small touches between Pepper’s skin, but in three months, Morgan would be there, in his arms, and they would start their new life together. He would be the father Morgan deserved, no trace of Howard.

Peter once saw Howard through him, the day Tony took his suit, and he would never make that mistake again.

For Morgan, Tony was going to do everything right, be the best possible father. It was what she deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… How was that? I enjoyed writing this one, a little happiness at last. How was it to read?  
> Until next time…  
> Clowns or Midgets xxx


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the support for the story so far. The idea for this instalment came from KScullen — who is one of my wonderful pre-readers for this series.   
> There is one more chapter to come in this story and then I’ve got a Morgan one planned which is set before Peter comes back. After that, I don’t have many ideas, so if you can see space for missing scenes or have ideas you’d like to see, let me know them and I’ll see what I can do.   
> This is actually the second incarnation of this idea. I wrote it in Tony’s PoV first, thought it was okay, then came back a couple hours later and started from scratch from Happy’s PoV. I know it was the right choice as Tony was too OOC.

**_Part Five_ **

If you had told Happy fifteen years ago that he would one day be shopping for baby clothes with Tony Stark, he would have laughed himself silly, knowing that Tony was way too careful for that to happen and that all paternity suits were found to be fakes. Then he and Pepper had become a couple, and he'd thought it was possible, maybe, one day, but he'd still not been able to picture it. Then Peter Parker had come along, and Happy had seen Tony fall into the role of a father without even realizing it. That had been great to see, the happiness they brought each other. But Peter had died, cast into ashes on a far off planet with only Tony at his side, and Tony's subsequent breakdown made the thought of more children an impossibility.

But Pepper was pregnant, two weeks away from her due dates, aching tired and swollen, but ecstatically happy. And Tony was happy, too.

He knew that wasn't always the case. There was always a pang of longing in Tony's eyes when Happy spoke to him, and sometimes his smiles were forced. Still, when it was about Morgan, about her arrival and future life, all his smiles were genuine, and that was a gift to Happy as he’d thought Tony’s grief after losing Peter was going to break him.

He’d been called away from the office, where he was questioning two employees on a possible data breach, by Tony to come shopping again. As little as Happy enjoyed shopping—he bought all he could online and clothes in an annual trauma run through the stores—he was looking forward to spending time with Tony before Morgan arrived. When he'd called, Tony had said he'd been ordered out of the lake house so Pepper could concentrate on painting the mural in Morgan's nursery without him under her feet. They'd met at Starbucks, and Happy had enjoyed his latte while Tony knocked back a triple espresso—saying he'd been up late working on some designs for ??? crops that were needed in the aftermath of the Snap. When they were done, they headed out onto the street, and Happy waited to be directed where to go. 

Tony looked up and down the street, his eyes falling on a baby boutique and narrowing, then he’d marched off, leaving Happy to hurry after him.

“I want dresses,” Tony said the moment they entered the store. “She’s got drawers full of onesies, but I want my girl to be able to wear dresses.” He looked back over his shoulder. “Little girls need dresses, right, Hap?”

Happy shrugged helplessly. “You’re asking the wrong person, Boss.”

"True. But I'm right. Morgan needs dresses for special occasions." He marched towards a rack of tiny outfits in various colors and began to sort through them, holding them up to examine and then either putting them back on the rack or thrusting them at Happy to be held. Happy left him looking and went back to get a basket to put them all in. He had a feeling he wasn't going to run out of hands otherwise.

When he got back to Tony, he was holding up a pink velvet dress with a white lace collar and rubbing the fabric between a thumb and forefinger. "Yes, it's old fashioned," he said, as if in reply to something Happy had said, "but it feels nice, and it's cute."

Happy raised an eyebrow. “Cute?”

Tony rounded on him, the dressed clutched in his hand. "Yes, Cute. My little girl wears cute dresses, and you don't get to judge me for world choice."

Happy held up a hand. “No problem. You can use whatever words you want.”

Though it had been less jarring when it was Peter. The kid hadn't influenced Tony to be choosing dresses and saying things were 'cute.' He'd been scientifically and technologically minded, like Tony. Though Happy hadn't been able to understand most of what they were saying to each other when they got going, it had at least been regular words. Tony Stark—Iron Man—was judging dresses by cuteness.

As strange as it was, Happy would take this a million times over instead of going back to the shell of a man Tony had been when he came back from Titan without the kid.

Tony tossed the velvet dress into the basket and moved onto a pale blue one with flowers embroidered on the front.

Happy knew any gift he could buy Morgan wasn’t going to stand up next to the indulgences of her father, so he’d had to get creative. It wasn’t quite finished yet, but he was working on a photo album of photographs of Tony and Pepper he’d taken and saved over the years. Some were press pieces of them as a power couple, but others were candid shot he’d taken at more relaxed moments. He had quite a few of them as his life with Tony and Pepper was long, and he’d always enjoyed taking pictures. He sometimes found it hard to say when he felt, to show what people meant to him, and he didn’t doubt that was going to be any easier with a newborn baby, so he was going to show how he felt to Morgan and her new parents.

Tony put the blue dress into the cart and moved onto a new rack, and then stopped as a little boy barreled past him, followed closely by a pregnant woman who was clutching a purse in one hand and her stomach with the other.

“Come back, Timmy!” she called.

Tony circled the rack, stepped in front of the kid, and caught him when the kid collided and staggered back. “I think you left your mom behind, kid,” he said.

The boy, Timmy, looked back at his mother, and then to Tony. He examined him a moment, then his mouth dropped open. "You're Iron Man!"

Tony’s lips twitched downwards, and then he said, “You can call me Tony. I guess you’re bored of shopping already? My friend Happy is, too?”

The kid looked at Happy, who was clutching the basket, and said, “Happy’s a funny name. You don’t look happy.”

“I am,” he said gruffly.

Tony chuckled. “It’s kinda a joke. See, he is a happy person, but it goes against his nature to show it. He’s always frowning and scowling, so we call him Happy in hopes that it’ll make him show it.”

“It doesn’t look like it’s working,” the kid said.

Happy rolled his eyes. Of course, Tony would find another cheeky kid to taunt him with.

“I like your shirt,” Tony said, a shadow of pain in his eyes, though he was still smiling.

The kid tugged on the hem of his shirt, pulling the cotton tight, and Happy looked at the words written on it in bold black print. "I'm The Big Brother!'

“Where did you get it?” Tony asked.

The mother tousled her son’s hair and said, “We got it here. They have them in the kid’s section.”

Tony smiled. “Great. Thanks.” He patted the kid’s shoulder and said, “Be good, okay?”

“I will, Mister Iron Man,” he said.

Happy snorted and followed Tony as he strode away. Tony was faster than him, and when he caught up, he saw his smile was gone, and he was staring at a rack of shirts like the kid was wearing in a variety of colors.

“You want one of them?” he asked cautiously.

Tony's eyes tightened, and he said, "It's stupid, I know. I don't even need one since he'd not…" He pressed a hand to his forehead. "He can't see it, won't ever wear it, will never know about Morgan, but I wanted one. They don't do his size, though. These are all for little kids." He swung a hand, making the shirts on the rack sway, then strode away from the. "Let's go pay."

Happy followed him to the register and placed the clothes on the counter to be scanned, and he felt the weight of grief back in his chest. He missed Peter, too, and he hated that he would never know about Morgan or anything else that happened in Tony’s life. He wouldn’t have been able to wear that shirt, couldn’t have had that moment of happiness in being assigned the moniker of big brother to Tony’s child, but he would have loved it if he’d been there.

Even now, months after his death and two weeks away from Morgan's arrival, which was going to bring joy to them all, both Happy and Tony were missing the kid that would never be there again.

xXx

Tony and Pepper were sitting on the couch together, Pepper’s feet up on a stool to ease her puffy ankles, and Tony’s hand was on her belly as he spoke to Morgan. She was due in one week, and Tony was in equal parts eager and scared for her arrival.

He couldn’t wait to meet his daughter, to hold her in his arms, but he was scared of seeing Pepper in pain. He could handle his own pain, though not well, but he’d never been able to handle seeing people he loved hurting. And it was going to hurt. He’d bee to the Lamaze classes, read the books, seen the videos, and the thought of the woman he loved in that kind of pain was terrifying.

He felt something nudge against his hand, and he chuckled as he realized his chatter had trailed off as he pondered the topic of labor. "Okay, baby girl. I'm still here."

There was another nudge, and he started to talk again, but there was a knock on the door. He pressed a kiss to the spot where Morgan had kicked, got to his feet, knees popping, and went to answer.

A man in a FedEx uniform was out there, and he said, “Tony Stark?” in a way that made it clear he knew exactly who Tony was.

“That’s me.”

“I’ve got a parcel for you. Please sign.”

Tony signed the clipboard and took the offered package, thanked the man, and closed the door then walked back into the living room. 

“If that’s more stuff for Morgan, I’m going to stage an intervention,” Pepper said, her hand on her stomach, rubbing circles.

“I didn’t order anything,” Tony said.

He tore open the package and took out a soft bundle wrapped in tissue. He pulled off the paper and shook out the fabric to see a red t-shirt with blue writing the exact colors of Peter's suit, and bold writing on the chest that declared. "I'm The Big Brother.”

He gave a shaky laugh that caught like a sob, and Pepper placed her hand on her face.

“Tony?” she said, her voice cautious.

“Happy must have had it made,” he said, his voice strangled.

She looked puzzled, and he explained the trip to the store and what had happened. How he'd seen the shirt and imagined another life in which he could have announced Pepper's pregnancy to Peter by giving him this shirt. How it would have worked because, in that life, Peter would always have known Tony loved him like a son.

Pepper listened in silence, and for a moment, he thought she might scold him for the morbidity of buying a gift for a child that would never be there to receive it, but after a moment, she smiled and ran a finger over the lettering.

“It’s great,” she said. “He’d love it.”

Tony nodded and held the shirt to his chest for a moment, then turned into her and tucked his face in her neck, his hands coming to her stomach, feeling Morgan’s nudges against his hand.

He wasn't crying, he wasn't grieving—for just a while, he was letting himself pretend this was the perfect scenario in which he would be able to give Peter the shirt when he saw him.

He was pretending, but, sometimes, that was necessary to live with loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... How was Happy's POV?
> 
> Until next time... 
> 
> Clowns or Midgets xxx


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last instalment of this particular story, bringing us full circle from loss to healing. Thank you all for supporting me so far.

“Okay, Pepper, one last _big_ push, and she'll be here," Ruth, the midwife said, bracing her hand on Pepper's leg."

Pepper drew in a huge breath and bore down.

Tony stroked her hair back from her reddened face, his heart pounding and swollen with love and pride in the strength she was showing.

“I love you,” he chanted. “I love you so much. You’re doing amazing. You’re a hero. You’re everything.”

“Tony!” she groaned.

“Yes, honey?”

“Shut up!”

Tony gave a shaky laugh. “Shutting up.”

“A little more,” Ruth said. “She’s so close. The right shoulder is out.”

Tony glanced down, and his breath caught at his first sight of his daughter. Her eyes were squeezed shut and her skin pale, but she was there—coming into the world.

“Come on, Pepper!” Ruth urged

Pepper cried out, and then Morgan was there. She slipped into Ruth’s waiting hands, a mass of pale skin, blood, and vernix. Ruth wiped over her mouth, and Morgan gave a cry of protest: the first cry of his daughter in her new world. 

Ruth scooped her up and placed her on Pepper’s chest with a satisfied. “Look what you did, Pepper. She’s here!”

Pepper started to cry, weak and exhausted sobs, though her face was shining with joy. Tears were streaming down Tony’s cheeks, awe and joy in the moment. He reached out and touched Morgan’s cheek, it was so small and soft, and whispered to her, “Hello, Morgan.”

He pressed a kiss to Pepper’s cheek, and she spoke to him without moving her eyes from Morgan’s face as she squalled in protest. “Look at her, Tony. Look what we made. Look what we did.”

“This is you,” he replied, his voice choked with emotion. “You did this.”

Pepper made a choked sobbing sound and pressed a kiss to Morgan’s head.

Ruth came back with a towel and began to rub it over Morgan, cleaning her skin, and then, with Pepper’s arms still supporting her, bundled a blanket around her and swaddled her. Morgan seemed to prefer to be wrapped as her cries stopped, and her eyes opened at last.

“She’s got your eyes,” Pepper said, her voice awed.

“She has,” Tony agreed.

This was not what he'd wanted or expected; he'd always pictured a miniature Pepper when he imagined her. But Tony's genes showed dominance in her dark hair and eyes. They were Maria Stark's eyes, and Tony felt a wave of longing for his mother to be here to see her granddaughter.

“She’s perfect,” Pepper said, finally looked into Tony’s eyes. “Isn’t she? Have we ever created something as incredible as this?”

Tony shook his head. "Never. She is perfect. You did so well."

“I’m sorry I told you to shut up.”

Tony chuckled. "I'd have told me to shut up, too. You were going through something huge, and I was being annoying."

“You were being sweet,” she corrected. “I was just distracted.”

Tony kissed her, a hard press of lips, and then touched a soft, barely-there one to Morgan's cheek. She was tiny, warm, and everything he could have hoped for. He'd read about the rush of love some parents felt for their children the moment they saw them, and he'd also read how it sometimes came later for parents so not to panic, but he felt it. He’d never felt joy and love more overwhelming than this. He knew in that moment that he would never let this child feel a moment of sadness or pain if he could avoid it. He would give everything he had, every penny in his bank account, if it would make her happy.

He would die for this child.

“The afterbirth is coming, Pepper,” Ruth said. “You want to let Tony hold her for a while?”

Pepper looked reluctant, but then she looked into Tony’s eager face and nodded.

“Take your shirt off, Tony,” Ruth said. “Let her feel your skin.”

Tony had read about skin-to-skin contact, how it was important for comforting the baby and bonding, so he practically tore off his shirt and positioned himself on the bed beside Pepper so he was stable to hold his daughter.

Pepper pulled back the blanket to bare Morgan's chest and stomach, then placed her in Tony's arms. He laid her against his chest, her head tucked under his neck, and cradled the back of her head in one hand that looked huge compared to her.

“My Morgan,” he sighed. “My little girl.”

Pepper’s focus moved to the last of the delivery, and Tony let everything fall away apart from his daughter. He rubbed a thumb over her hair, exceedingly gently, and felt the adoration rush through him.

“I love you,” he said, speaking to Morgan alone. “I love you so much, and I swear, I will _never_ let anyone hurt you. I am going to protect you always. You're my world now, Morgan. You and your momma, you're my everything, and I will never let you down, I promise. I am going to be the very best man for you both. I’m going to do better.”

There was a soft sigh beside him, movement at the end of the bed, and then Pepper was leaning her head against his shoulder. “You’re already going better,” she said. “You’re doing everything.” She pressed a kiss to his arm. “You’re the one I’m proud of.”

Tony let the tears fall unchecked down his cheeks as he rested his head on hers and stared down at his newborn baby, his heart swelling with love and joy, his mind perfectly peaceful for the first time since he’d stepped onto Titan’s rocky ground.

xXx

Pepper opened her eyes slowly, feeling tired, sore, and oddly empty, as if something vital was missing. As her thoughts caught up to what had happened, she realized what was missing; the heavy weight of the baby growing inside her was gone, now out in the world as her own being. She placed a hand over her stomach, still swollen and tender, but nowhere near the mound it had been before, and absorbed the strange sensation of being without Morgan’s presence.

She rolled over carefully, feeling the ache and pains of the birth, and sat up. She could hear a voice outside the room, and she got up, wrapped a robe around herself, and padded towards it.

Tony was on the couch in the living room, Morgan cradled in his arms. He didn’t seem to notice her arrival, possibly because his whole attention was focused on their daughter.

She stopped in the doorway and listened to his soft voice as he spoke, her eyes tearing as she heard what he was saying and who he was talking about.

"He was good, Morgan, a purely good person. Not like your daddy, who's made more mistakes than you can imagine. Never again, though—I'll never mess up again now you're here. But Peter was…”

He drew a hitching breath and Pepper wiped at her eyes. Peter had not been perfect, they both knew that, but his faults hadn’t diminished Tony’s love for him even a little. Tony had accepted Peter exactly as he was—holding him with a parents’ unconditional love.

Tony went on, voice sad, “He wasn't perfect, he'd do stupid things, but they were always because he was trying to do the right thing. And he'd love you…" He drew a shaky breath. “He would love you so much.”

He stopped, and the tears slipped down his cheeks unchecked, dripping onto Morgan’s blanket. She was awake, and though it was impossible, Pepper thought she was listening to her father’s words. This was important for her to hear, and Pepper was sure she was going to hear this story many times over in her life.

Now Morgan was in the world, safe and healthy, Pepper’s one wish, which had been for her daughter’s life before, was now set aside for the impossibility that one day, Peter and Morgan could meet each other—that Tony could hold both his children at the same time and that the broken place in his heart could heal. 

“He’s your big brother,” Tony said, voice breaking. “Do you hear me, Morgan? You have a big brother called Peter, and though you’ll never meet him, I swear you’re going to know everything about him. I’ll make sure you do.”

He kissed her hair, closed his eyes a moment and seemed to be breathing through pain before she spoke again.

“You’re my first daughter, Maguna, but you’re not my first child. Your brother came first, and he’s the one that made me the kind of man that will do the right thing for you. I am going to be everything you can ever want or need in a father because he changed me first.” He smiled, and it was full of remembered over. “See, your brother was a hero called Spider-Man…”

Pepper watched them for a moment, and then she slipped back into the bedroom and climbed back into the bed to rest.

Morgan was safe and content with her father, and Tony was telling her the story of her brother. He needed to do that. She knew Peter Parker was always going to be a part of her life and Morgan's, even though he was gone, and she thought that was right. He was the one that changed Tony, made him a father the first time, and that was how and why he was ready to give himself over to Morgan and what she needed from him.

Tony’s voice was a soft hum in the background as she closed her eyes, and she found herself smiling. She knew from the look on his face, the words he was saying, that Tony was finally healed. He would always miss Peter, mourn his loss, but his memory wasn’t going to destroy Tony the way she’d feared the day she walked into the lab with a pregnancy test and ultimatum.

Tony had come full circle, and now he was a father again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So… There we are. Tony is a father again. How was it to read? I enjoyed writing this little prequel as it was nice to cover some of the emotional ups and downs that we missed in canon.   
> I have a Morgan PoV one-shot written, and I have one planned for when she finds out Peter is back, but that’s where my ideas run out. I don’t plan to write more stories based in the five missing years, but I hope to write missing scenes and outtakes from the rest of the series. If you have any ideas, please let me know. I’ll try anything you can come up with.   
> Until next time…   
> Clowns or Midgets xxx

**Author's Note:**

> I plan to write a series of out-takes/bonus scenes of the To Be Worthy series, of which this is the first. If there is any scene that you would like to see, leave me a comment and let me know. I'll do my best to accommodate requests.


End file.
